hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
