About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
