She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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