hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I want a musical about memes.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
