I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
