just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
