Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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