First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
