I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
