If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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