people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
