I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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