mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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