I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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