i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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