Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize