that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
