If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The adults are the big ones right?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
