So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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