you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
