Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
