I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
jump out the window naked night went bad
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
