one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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