so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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