Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
