matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
