He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
