Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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