When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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