its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You took a bar mat shot.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
