You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My dick has a subreddit
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
