Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
