love makes seman taste better
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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