dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it's like iHOP with fire
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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