Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
