Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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