i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
