Non-Jews are for practice
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
