your room smells of hookers.
And success
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
