textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
