I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
