the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
