You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
