The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
