im drinking this country out of the recession.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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