LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
