I can text with my tongue
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The adults are the big ones right?
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