Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
