Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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