I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
