She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
