lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
