Buhtt sex?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
