Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
